Haha! I'm an acknowledged grammar lover, so I did pause at the ending-in-a-preposition bit, but I decided that the voice of the poem (and the structure!) really demanded it in that case.
Second stanza: I changed tense once from first to second stanza to make it fit, or I changed something grammatically that was a pretty minor adjustment, so I should have changed that one, too! I just overlooked it, is all, and probably would have continued to do so. Many thanks for pointing that out! (You can read something a million times and still miss the big obvious mistake. *headdesk*)
applied appreciation for punctuation YOU ARE SO RIGHT. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS. Flipping the lines changes the meaning a bit, but it's the punctuation that really brings this poem together. I ... am a giant nerd :D You have no idea how happy it makes me to see that someone else gets it and also appreciates it. Punctuation: it's there for a reason, everybody! Look what it can do! One of the most powerful tools in a writer's arsenal!
Giant experiment, one I look forward to repeating. As I mentioned to Blue, I'd like to play with using this sort of flip/repeat in a formal framework. I imagine that'll be even more difficult and time-consuming, but how much fun!
You're spot on to what I was thinking with much of your comments! Not sure how much you'd like to know of an author's thought process, so feel free to skip this paragraph if you're not interested! I was imagining a sort of past-lives eternal soul mate sort of situation, so in the first stanza, these two people are hearing about a story of some past incarnations of themselves that struggled in different places to find their mates. It's distant and hazy and forgotten no small amount, but then the second stanza! Oh, joy, they have found each other finally, after millions of lives apart. And, really, I could break this thought down line by line, but it's a sad author who says their interpretation is the only one. I think this poem is actually very open, and I'd love to hear what other people thought!
So! In conclusion, thank you very much for this thoughtful edit! Helpful suggestions, but more than that, I really like seeing what people are thinking as they read. I think I need to put as much work into all my poems as I did this one, but I don't often have the time. (Or the inclination, in honesty.)
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Second stanza: I changed tense once from first to second stanza to make it fit, or I changed something grammatically that was a pretty minor adjustment, so I should have changed that one, too! I just overlooked it, is all, and probably would have continued to do so. Many thanks for pointing that out! (You can read something a million times and still miss the big obvious mistake. *headdesk*)
applied appreciation for punctuation
YOU ARE SO RIGHT. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS. Flipping the lines changes the meaning a bit, but it's the punctuation that really brings this poem together. I ... am a giant nerd :D You have no idea how happy it makes me to see that someone else gets it and also appreciates it. Punctuation: it's there for a reason, everybody! Look what it can do! One of the most powerful tools in a writer's arsenal!
Giant experiment, one I look forward to repeating. As I mentioned to Blue, I'd like to play with using this sort of flip/repeat in a formal framework. I imagine that'll be even more difficult and time-consuming, but how much fun!
You're spot on to what I was thinking with much of your comments! Not sure how much you'd like to know of an author's thought process, so feel free to skip this paragraph if you're not interested! I was imagining a sort of past-lives eternal soul mate sort of situation, so in the first stanza, these two people are hearing about a story of some past incarnations of themselves that struggled in different places to find their mates. It's distant and hazy and forgotten no small amount, but then the second stanza! Oh, joy, they have found each other finally, after millions of lives apart. And, really, I could break this thought down line by line, but it's a sad author who says their interpretation is the only one. I think this poem is actually very open, and I'd love to hear what other people thought!
So! In conclusion, thank you very much for this thoughtful edit! Helpful suggestions, but more than that, I really like seeing what people are thinking as they read. I think I need to put as much work into all my poems as I did this one, but I don't often have the time. (Or the inclination, in honesty.)
Welcome to you and whatnot!