Late editor is delinquent and embarrassingly late, but here is your second edit!
without hope. We are nothing.
We are nothing without hope. This is particularly wonderful! Actually I think the whole poem's structure is marvellous, but, you know, this direct contrast is especially. I think it must be the sudden reversal of pessimism into something resembling optimism.
Sentiments will always travel; the fight never ends. -The sentiments part seems unhinged here, and I don't mean crazy, just that it is seemingly uncoupled from anything else around it. What does sentiments mean? (Thanks to tumblr, I'm getting images of Loki, but anyway).
yet the cinders still glow more than we can know. -A little more obvious here than in the previous stanza, because there's no punctuation, but glow/know rhymes unexpectedly and kind of throws off the unrhymed rest of the poem. (Like the poet/don't know it sense.)
everything in its path was consumed, more than we can know. -This, too, is somewhat confusing. We don't know what everything was? Mostly I am having these question marks everywhere because some parts of the poem are quite clear and it's a poem that's not coyly trying to hide its meaning, but there are some parts that don't seem to quite match up to the other lines around it.
our flames burned hotter than they have any right to, -Changing tenses here (burned/have any right to) - not a problem in the previous stanza where you have this sentence coupled with another line.
our flames burned -(in the second stanza) I think you should put some kind of punctuation at the end of this, because my eyes just jumped right to the next line without pausing to take in the burned bit. It really is the central idea of the poem.
There are a few places where I think that the line lengths were a little odd (especially hotter than they have any right to, - I'm still not sure about the "have any right to" part) but I'm not sure if that would be doable with your current structure.
Again, I really enjoyed the format you used! This is excellent.
no subject
without hope.
We are nothing.
We are nothing
without hope.
This is particularly wonderful! Actually I think the whole poem's structure is marvellous, but, you know, this direct contrast is especially. I think it must be the sudden reversal of pessimism into something resembling optimism.
Sentiments will always travel;
the fight never ends.
-The sentiments part seems unhinged here, and I don't mean crazy, just that it is seemingly uncoupled from anything else around it. What does sentiments mean? (Thanks to tumblr, I'm getting images of Loki, but anyway).
yet the cinders still glow
more than we can know.
-A little more obvious here than in the previous stanza, because there's no punctuation, but glow/know rhymes unexpectedly and kind of throws off the unrhymed rest of the poem. (Like the poet/don't know it sense.)
everything in its path was consumed,
more than we can know.
-This, too, is somewhat confusing. We don't know what everything was? Mostly I am having these question marks everywhere because some parts of the poem are quite clear and it's a poem that's not coyly trying to hide its meaning, but there are some parts that don't seem to quite match up to the other lines around it.
our flames burned
hotter than they have any right to,
-Changing tenses here (burned/have any right to) - not a problem in the previous stanza where you have this sentence coupled with another line.
our flames burned
-(in the second stanza) I think you should put some kind of punctuation at the end of this, because my eyes just jumped right to the next line without pausing to take in the burned bit. It really is the central idea of the poem.
There are a few places where I think that the line lengths were a little odd (especially hotter than they have any right to, - I'm still not sure about the "have any right to" part) but I'm not sure if that would be doable with your current structure.
Again, I really enjoyed the format you used! This is excellent.