inkstains: contest 57, rules to live by

[1stmate]

What To Do When Your Parents Have Another Baby And You're Already Nine Years Old
by Alexander Johnson III

1. Do not tell your baby sister she smells like rotten potatoes when your parents are in the room. Not even if it's true.
   
   
2. Diapers are not hats, and wearing a diaper on your head makes you look stupid instead of like a superhero.
   
   
3. One-month-olds are not ready to play Mario Party. They'll just throw up on the controller. And then you'll only have one controller, and your mom will refuse to buy you another one because it doesn't matter that you were spending time with the baby like she always wants you to, you still should have known better.
   
   
4. Old Hag Coker down the road will probably believe you if you say you're Emma's daddy. But next time, tell her it's a sensitive subject for your parents, that they're raising their grandchild as their own daughter, and tell her not to say anything to them.
   
   
5. Just because Dad can't spank you while he's holding the baby doesn't mean he won't spank you later when he puts her down. And anyway, he'll still stand you in the corner. He might even forget you're in the corner for an hour while he feeds and changes Emma.
   
   
6. It is too soon to try to make her do your homework for you.